OCTOBER SHADOWS
Having a peak at the forecast the last few days reminds me that we’re living in Toronto and not Miami. The crazy hot fall weather that we’ve been enjoying the last week or so is soon to come to an end. 28°C yesterday followed by 12°C on Sunday. Welcome to Canada!
This being October, the light is hitting familiar spots in our backyard in a way that makes me want to run for my camera. And that’s exactly what I did this morning. At 11:00 am or so, the sun was creating that hard light that reminds me of summer days during our stay in Lisbon a few years ago pre-covid. We just don’t get that kind of light; beautiful deep, contrasty shadows, a sun hanging low in the sky.
We still have a few hours to go with 20°C + weather and I’m feeling grateful that we’ve had a beautiful summer and early fall. My health hasn’t been the greatest lately but I’m slowly starting to feel like my old self again. Being engaged in making photos is a bit of a canary in a coal mine for me. When I’m feeling good I want to get the camera to see what I can make. It’s still early October… hopefully there’s lot’s more shadows to come.
SHOT WITH THE FUJIFILM X-PRO3 AND XF 35MM, F2
SQUARE
Square (and black and white) is an attempt to kick-start my feeble attempt at photography these last months. I’m not sure how long I’ll keep at it, but for now I’m going to stick with it at least until something in my brain decides to come up for air.
In the mean time, here’s a triptych from a short time ago, lazying about in the house and the deck.
JUST SHOOT DAMMIT
SHOT WITH FUJI XPRO-3 - XF35 F1.4 & X100V
My apathy is undeniable. So is it’s sibling, atrophy. I can’t deny it, both have taken hold of me in a big way in 2022. I’m surprised I can still remember how to make a Squarespace post there’s been so few of them this year.
There’s no excuses for it and if I believe my friend and mentor Patrick La Roque, it’s 100% normal and I shouldn’t beat myself up over it. As much as I’d like to self indulge in my apparent laziness, it is good to know I may not be the only one going through this at the moment.
I realized as I started writing this post that December 2022 marks exactly 10 years since my first serious dive into photography. My first modern day camera was the original Fujifilm X100. I had already been shooting with whatever version of the iPhone I had at the time, but after attending an Eric Kim photo workshop, I set my sites on Fuji’s small APS-C camera. It had the right look, felt good in my hand and while I had no idea how to use the damn thing, it did make me feel like a photographer.
My first images with my new and nifty X100 were taken in Paris while on holiday with Alice and the boys. It’s fair to say that I had absolutely no idea how to use my camera. None. Zero. I’m embarrassed to admit that I spent that first trip taking images without a single thought to what the settings meant. I thought I knew, but in all honesty it was a disaster.
Fast forward 10 years and I’m happy to look back on my blog and I’m very proud of some of the images and stories I’ve posted. This blog was always going to be a vanity project for me. I have no aspirations for social media greatness. I love taking images and, clearly from the array of stories I’ve posted, I used to love writing my thoughts down and trying to create a cohesive story. Sometimes people, most often friends, would go to my blog and tell me they liked what they saw. But in truth it’s not been many and while it hurts to know that fame and fortune will not be knocking at my door, it has forced me to look inside and remind myself of why I do this in the first place.
To mark 10 years I had a look at some of my older posts. They are exactly what I intended them to be, a formal reminder for what those moments meant to me. Not necessarily great art, but meaningful to me nevertheless.
I would be remiss at this juncture to not say a big thank you to Patrick La Roque for his mentorship and friendship these last 7 years. His work continues to be an inspiration to me and his persistence in believing in my ability to take a few decent photos has helped me enormously.
So my advise to my future self, 10 years from now is to do what I was always told to do, but would often forget…. Just Shoot Dammit.
PASS THE SUFGANIYOT
SHOT WITH FUJI XPRO-3 - XF35 F1.4
Every year that goes by, it becomes a little more special to get together and celebrate Chanukah (the festival of lights) with my family, my two sisters, their families and my 93 year old mother.
If there’s a greater religious context to Chanukah, it most certainly passes me over. Don’t get me wrong, the miracle of lights is a great story. I’m happy to believe that something like this did in fact happen, but let’s face it, it was a very long time ago. And in truth, I have no affinity for the food either… In fact latke’s with or without sour creme or apple sauce did not pass through these lips. Sufganiyot… forget about it!
What makes it special is that the whole family is together. It wasn’t all that long ago when it was my boys playing on the floor, eagerly opening up their gifts and cuddling the newest plush toy. Now it’s my grand niece and nephew’s turn for this. One day soon it may be my grandchildren.
So the Chanukah party is a marker of sorts. Next year I’ll take more pictures and marvel at how the kids have grown and of course how the grown ups have gotten older.
In spite of taking less pictures in 2022 than any other year in the last decade, I feel a greater importance of capturing the passing of time, registering in some way who we were at this moment in our lives. And just like those latkes, when they’re gone, they’re gone.
LAST DAY
38 years working for one company is a profoundly long time. I’d venture a guess and say that it’s not the norm any longer, with most young people changing firms at the drop of a hat.
I’ve had the good fortune to have just one company controller at Reliable, his name is Rex. Rex decided to make it a career and retired on June 30, 2021, he started in 1983. That’s a long time ago.
As hard as I try, I can’t really remember much about 1983. But I do know it was the year that I started working for what eventually became my company. At that time Rex wouldn’t have been much on my radar. I was a young sales rep trying to do what sales reps do, I didn’t have the luxury of hanging around the office much. It wasn’t until 1991 when my father passed away that my relationship with Rex started to evolve. He was the guy looking after the books and I was as green as the grass. Thankfully, Rex stuck around, in both good times and bad and there was plenty of bad on the horizon.
The cliche is that it’s another “end of a chapter”. When you’re a company that started in 1955 we can count lots and lots of chapters. They haven’t always had a good ending. I believe this one has. Rex has good health and we were able to hire his replacement long enough in advance that the transition should be seamless. And while Covid restrictions forced us to scale back our celebrations, I think that all in all it was a good day for Rex and a good way to say “thank you and farewell”.
SHOT WITH FUJI X100V
QUARANTINE
Some of you may know that I participate in a weekly word project on Instagram with a couple of friends called #thiswordthisweek. it’s a bit of a fun thing that we do to help us get through the photographic dry spells. But most importantly in this time of Covid-19, it’s become, at least for myself, a reason to still take pictures.
The word this week is Quarantine, a word everyone is all too familiar with. My first thoughts were to put our masks on and take some pictures of Alice and myself at home, try to make a statement about our hardships. But let’s face it, I go to work everyday, I get to walk outside and go to the market when I need to. It maybe a hardship of sorts but I’ve not been completely isolated. This is not the case for my mother Ann who is 91 years old, who’s been quarantined for the best part of ten months.
This story is not dissimilar to sons and daughters around the globe who have elderly parents. Isolation, fear, loneliness, boredom are words that describe what I’m sure my mother goes through every single day. Her friends are now mostly deceased, her ties are with the few that remain, her sisters and her children.
Her universe is the television and her large print books. She says she is okay but will also admit to the dark parts of being much on her own and no longer being a part of the outside world as before. She misses Sunday dim sum with Alice and her grandsons. She misses going to the mall and buying things that she doesn’t need. She misses her freedom. She misses her life.
My mother’s time cannot be counted in years and decades. Her time and her future are now. We visit every week and bring her food. At the end of the meal is always something sweet, creamy and delicious. When she’s eating her beloved dessert, I believe she’s at her happiest and most content. Perhaps she’s time travelling to a place that is warm and sunny, full of family and friends. The enjoyment she gets out of it is a thing to behold.
The quarantine is not fair to people like my mother. In some ways I don’t think she fully understands what’s at stake when we visit. We keep our distance, we make sure that we’re as careful as possible. Of course simply by being there we are taking a chance, risking her life at the same time as we’re trying to give her back some of her life. Quarantine and Covid-19’s cruel irony.
SHOT WITH FUJI X-PRO3 - XF35MM F2.0
STAYING IN
We’re on week one of our second major lockdown during Covid-19. If I’m honest it’s felt pretty much like we’ve been staying in since late March 2020. Yes we had a reprieve this summer (oh what a glorious reprieve that was) but this is now feeling all too familiar. It almost feels natural. That’s kind of crazy.
On top of that it’s January in Toronto and it’s been grey and grey and grey for so long I can’t remember the sun. I do remember a constant stream of beautiful sunny Sunday’s in July and August and even for much of September. Getting out of the city with our road bikes feels like an eternity ago.
Alice and I are debating (negotiating) whether we will still be going to Whistler come March. The latest news in BC is that they don’t want visitors. Yet the mountain is open and they are, like the rest of the world, desperate for business. It’s a tough decision. We’ll figure it out in February but in the mean time I can dream about beautiful British Columbia and those wonderful mountains. And when the sun is shining and the snow is fresh and it’s not too cold, it is what my dreams are made of.
in the mean time, here’s some images from staying in. That’s all I have at the moment.
SHOT WITH FUJI X-PRO3 - XF35MM F2.0
LESSONS I'VE LEARNED
Where does art come from? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself lately. I’ve been working at photography for about eight years now and I’m fairly confident I’m getting better at the technical aspects but am I getting closer to making art? And let’s face it, what the heck is art anyway, what’s the litmus test? If it’s something that my mother would gladly hang from her wall, then I guess I’ve been an artist since I was old enough to hold a crayon. So there must be something more to this.
Regrettably I’ve had no epiphany, but I do wonder what happens in the process of making pictures, where it goes from a simple snap shot to something that has more meaning.
I’ve struggled mightily with the technical aspect of making pictures. Maybe my brain is more analog then digital and I should try shooting 35mm film. Perhaps I just need a Leica M4 and a 50mm Summilux nifty 50mm like HCB used and my vision will be suddenly be unveiled ;-)
But I doubt it. I think you either have it or you don’t. So if I’m honest, I would say I have the vision of a B league player. I’ve learned some basic competency, but I lack the drive, the desire and perhaps even the genetic goo to be someone who is truly great at this. My friend and teacher Patrick La Roque (@laroquephotogram) oozes artistic juiciness in everything he does. It’s really a marvel to behold. He can literally turn crap into something that’s beautiful to look at (not literally, for god’s sake).
So where does this leave the B team players like me? Well, you know, I think you have to aspire to something in life right? Maybe there’s some crazy cosmic goodness that comes when someone spends their life trying to reveal the kernel of potential they have. What I’ve learned is that creating pictures and sometimes adding a story to them (just like this one) makes me happy. It “forces” me, if that’s the right word to use, to process the world with the tools that I have available. Those tools are changing all of the time. Sometimes every week. Maybe that’s the carrot. Constant striving, constant self improvement. Breaking off little chunks at a time and sometimes, when I’m really in a good place, maybe I get to publish something that might resonate with not just myself but with others as well.
So I offer myself out there to the world of B players to not give up hope. The award is definitely in the journey itself. No one else may see you as an artist but if art is truth, the mere fact that we’re putting in the effort has its own merits. And when in doubt, just ask your mother. She’ll tell you the real deal.
SHOT WITH FUJI X-PR02, XF35MM F1.4
SUMMER VIBES... FINALLY
In the miracle that is a Canadian spring, we’ve gone from snow a couple of weeks ago to “please god let the air-conditioning be working”. The May-24 weekend brings the lawn furniture out, but the weather is often late to the party.
This past week though, we got off our collective duffs and ordered a couple of new lawn chairs. The fancy kind that swivel. It sounds like endless fun right? With painstakingly chosen fabrics for the custom made cushions that will hopefully arrive in time for the real summer.
When we renovated our home a couple of years ago we made a great effort to uplift our backyard from something where you might get lost because the weeds were growing so high. It’s actually a pretty nice place to hang out these days. It’s not quite the oasis I’ve dreamed of but I think we’re on the right track.
Lying down on our completely weather resistant couch brings back not so fond memories of plastic covered furniture from my childhood home. But with a good book and a glass of wine (or water) it may just be my new favourite after work activity. Pop up the umbrella for a bit of southern shade, lay back and enjoy the lazy vibes.
Since the book I was reading was Kansas City Lightening, the story of Charlie Parker by Stanley Crouch (a terrific biography by the way), I’m pretty sure that some tunes in the backyard might be in order.
The clouds are rolling in as I write this and the weather is due to be on the chilly side this weekend, but for me, I’m definitely feeling those warm summer vibes.
SHOT WITH FUJI X-PR02, XF35MM F2
WE LOVE WONTONS
My family loves wontons.
Could the wonton be the perfect comfort food? It’s what we eat when we’re tired and feeling lazy, when we’re under the weather and when we’re jet lagged. It’s the 2:00 am meal at Swatow’s on Spadina when we’re back in Toronto after a late flight in and there’s nothing else that will do but a bowl of steaming wontons and noodles (with a side of deep fried tofu and Chinese greens with garlic).
My mother-in-law is the reigning queen of making wontons and she’s passed down to her daughters and her grandsons the fine art of this delicious craft.
A week or so ago Alice decided that what we needed was wontons. So off we went to a shop on Spadina Ave. for wrappers which may be the only supermarket left in Toronto (or anywhere) where there’s (astonishingly) no limit to the number of people allowed in the store at the same time. Risking ones life for wontons seems to be a bit of a high price but okay, just this one time. Along with the wrappers you’ll need pork and cabbage, (I was never invited into this secret society of wonton makers so I had to ask Alice this) salt, cooking wine, and chopped ginger. Simple, easy and delicious.
And then the actual wrapping takes place. The initiated (not me) sit around the table, sharing in the stories and events of the day and since this is the time of Covid-19 it’s pretty much one story and one event.
The hard work done, now all that’s left is boiling the wontons and putting the desired number in a bowl of steaming hot broth. The actual number of wontons that goes into the bowl is a combination of your hunger level, and your pride. For example, you can’t eat less wontons than your younger sibling. I mean you can, you’re just going to be hearing about it. Forever.
On a good night, many dozens of wontons will be eagerly wolfed down. Stomachs will be patted in satisfaction. The comfort that comes from this simple yet delicious meal will be present on every face in the room. And if you’ve eaten more than your younger sibling or more than your spouse, well congratulations, you can hold your head up high… till next time.
SHOT WITH FUJI X-PR02, XF35MM F/1.4
THIS 24/7 CHANNEL
Let’s be honest, there is no escaping this pandemic. It’s truly a 24/7 phenomena.
I woke up this morning thinking it would be a good day to get on my bike. A bit of an escape even though for all I know Martin Goodman Trail by the lakefront be might closed to pedestrians. There’s still a good chance that might happen, but it wound up being a decent bit colder then I was hoping for today. And yes, I’m a big wuss when it comes to cold weather cycling.
Spring might be here but it doesn’t really feel like spring. It’s still mostly cold and the air in the house still feels like winter air. The winter clothes are all still pretty much where they’ve been all winter. And let’s face it, there’s only so many walks you can take in one lifetime and one pandemic.
Still, the sun was out this morning and yes, it was spring light. I’ll leave staring at the CBC & BBC news apps for a few minutes. Just long enough to grab my camera and pretend this will all be over soon. With any luck, maybe in time for spring.
SHOT WITH FUJI X-PR02, XF35MM F/2
RENO STORY - PT 2
And now for some color images.
Something just felt right about doing the first part of the renovation story in black and white. All that tearing down and emptiness just lent itself to a black and white vibe. And when I look back at my original shots, I realize there were days when I simply fixed my camera to jpg black and white and left it there. Outside it was typical grey and bleak fall weather and I probably had an hour long drive to get back to where we were staying and color just wasn’t in the cards.
But there were other days when the feeling was all color and the images below are from some of those days. This was a six month journey after all and there were lots and lots of visits back to our home.
The days with the sun shining in, there was real beauty in the chaos.
Perhaps I’ve left color for the second part of the story because there’s more hope in color. If a tearing down is black and white the rebirth should be in color. Or something like that.
In any case, after two years sitting on these images (and many hundreds more) it feels like the renovation project is now officially completed. It’s no longer haunting me from my hard drive to let it have its final breath. Finito.
SHOT WITH FUJI X100F
